Worst. Mom. Ever.

I didn't know if I was going to blog about this but I thought, this is an open forum to share the good AND bad things about being a mom.  What if people judge me?  Well, that's ok, we all judge each other, and if someone thinks I'm bad mom, that's their opinion.  I realize that I will never be a perfect mom and I'm ok with that.  I feel like my main duty is life is to protect Alex and make sure she's happy and healthy and everything beyond that will come or not.  I know along the way there will be good times and bad, but this time I felt the the worst mom ever.  Even though this is the first time, and I know it won't be the last, it makes you feel awful.

Poor Baby :(

To start the story we got a video monitor because our little peanut is a mover and a shaker.  She kept on waking up in the middle of the night getting stuck in precarious positions, but that's for another time.  Both Mark and I were in her room and he was installing the monitor while I was changing her.  When he got it installed he called me over to see if the positioning of it was good.  I left Alex on the changing table to look at the monitor real quick.  I was about a foot and half away and it took maybe 10 seconds.  I look back and she's falling head first, end over end off a 4 foot dresser, landing on her back and sounding like a bowling ball
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All I can say is sheer panic ran through me when I heard the THUD and then the resulting screaming from our baby.  I quickly picked her up and started crying and thankfully Mark scooped her up, took her to our bedroom to soothe and then look over her.  I sat on her floor sobbing for a min.  Then I went in the other room, saw that she was ok and continued to cry even harder!  Then my loving husband had a crying baby and a crying wife to try and calm down.  Obviously the thoughts that ran through my head were, what if she had fallen on her head, what if she had broken her neck, what if, what if?  I know she didn't, but it scares me that in mere seconds with me close to my child, accidents happen, but sometimes those accidents turn serious or worse.

Had to add a happy one after all the tears :)

Will this make me a little more careful with my child, Definitely! Will it make me overly paranoid, hopefully not!  It taught me a valuable lesson with nothing more than a bump and a scare and I'm thankful for that.  I think that the blood pressure spike is enough for me to remember this for a long while.  And although I realize I am not the worst mom ever, that is how I felt at that moment and for a lingering time after that.  All I can say is no more unattended time on the changing table or any other potential high places :)