Alexis Ellin, how are you 1 already?

I have about a billion different emotions about Alex turning one.  The most prominent one being Sadness.  I'm sad because she's no longer a baby.  She walking, talking, signing, and becoming her own little person.  I miss the baby smell, the falling asleep in your arms, and the overall cuddliness.  It makes me sad that she'll never that baby again, but I'm also blessed with such an amazing little girl.

She's very serious sometimes ;)

I guess from the start Alex made her mark and was going to do things her own way.  Coming 6 days early was an awesome surprise, and the short 6 hour labor was even better.  She would have come out sooner, but I spent 2 hours trying to push her out my hip :) as soon as I turned on my side, 3 pushes later and this screaming, wailing, adorable thing with a full head of dark hair joined our family.  She spend the first hour of her life screaming.  Not just crying, but full on, what are you guys doing to me screaming.  I remember calling our parents and she had a great set of lungs!

I think I've learned a few huge lessons this year as a first time mom.  First, it's ok to ask for help.  I'm so used to being good at what I do, to struggle at anything is beyond frustrating.  I've learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of character admitting you don't have all the answers.  Second, there is no "right" way to do things when it comes to kids, and I wish I had a manual.  There will be challenges and most of the time winging it has to work, and what works one time, may not work the next. Third and most important is that you will never love anything or anybody like you do your child.  There is a fierce protectiveness in me that I didn't know was there, and you would do anything for that child.  You don't want her to ever be sad, sick or hurt, and seeing those things in your child breaks your heart.

Alex's personality has blossomed and now she is only what I can describe and a small version of her father and me.  She is independent, a lover of food, impatient, adventurous, and LOVES to dance, all like her mama.  She is also goofy, happy, an observer, a thinker and can have a temper, pretty much like her papa.  She is the best of us (smart and thoughtful) and also has the qualities that may not be the most attractive (extremely stubborn & impatient) but she is inevitable her parents.  I think my favorite part of her, is that she's overall a happy, funny child.  She loves men (oh boy) and will wave to anyone in the store.  She blows kisses, moo's on cue, and signs "more" pretty much constantly :).

Now that she's walking and talking, I find myself missing that little bundle that used to cuddle and coo, but I am enjoying this phase of life even if it is challenging.  I feel like every stage she enters, Mark and I are running after her to catch up.  If the next year is anything like this one, there will be challenges, tears, love and happiness and I would not change it for the world.  I am blessed with the most precious gift ever and I am so proud to be her mommy.

Tis the season to be.....sick

After my dismal showing of blogs in November, I told myself to be more vigilant in December.  Well, whoops, not going great so far.  We're over 1/3  of the way through December and here's post number 1, but I swear I have a good excuse, and her name is Alex :)

How do you not want to smooch that face?

I will fully admit that last week was one of the scariest things to go through as a first time mom.  Alex, struggling to breath, seeing her striated breathing kind of freaked me out.  She was having a hard time and it breaks your heart to see your kid in any pain, but there's a strange kind of internal panic that happens when you can see they aren't breathing easily.  I mean there are a lot of things you can fix, but breathing?  We took her in to the ER, hooked her up to a monitor, and instead of us waiting in a side room, they took us right back to one of the emergency rooms, which told me it was a good thing we brought her in.  Her pulse ox was low and when they listened to her lungs she wasn't moving much air (which at that point I was like duh, and DO SOMETHING).

It's funny how everyone says, "Well it's a good thing your husband is a doctor."  I do agree, but there's nothing he can do at home for her.  We had to take her to the ER where she got very good care (from a doctor that my husband liked and knew, and whom he trusted, which makes it easier).  She got a shot of steroids, in which I fully admit, I stepped out of the room and let Mark and a nurse hold her down :(.  Then two nebulizer treatments, a chest x-ray, and lots of waiting.  It was a long night, but obviously I felt much better after taking her in.  The weird thing about being a doctor's wife, is I tend to feel self conscious because I don't want to be that lady who takes her kid into the ER for a cold, and have everyone give Mark a hard time at work.  I know it's silly, but that's me.

My happy happy baby

In any case, bringing home the nebulizer, the steroids, and meds for Alex made me feel better and obviously made her feel better too.  After a couple of days she started to look and sound better, but I'm still a bit paranoid.  I know kids that get Croup can be more susceptible once they get it, but at least I know what to look for.  She's now on antibiotics for the chest, nose, gunk that just won't go away.  She is not loving all the meds, so hopefully soon we'll be done with all of it.  Then we just have to deal with her teething, which I've fully discussed in other posts, the fact that it is the bane of my existence!!  I'm hoping to get her clear of this before her 1st birthday, Christmas and all of the holiday fun yet to come.  Sick babies are the worst, all you want to do is take the pain away, but I'm sure there will be lots more to come.