Alexis Ellin, how are you 1 already?

I have about a billion different emotions about Alex turning one.  The most prominent one being Sadness.  I'm sad because she's no longer a baby.  She walking, talking, signing, and becoming her own little person.  I miss the baby smell, the falling asleep in your arms, and the overall cuddliness.  It makes me sad that she'll never that baby again, but I'm also blessed with such an amazing little girl.

She's very serious sometimes ;)

I guess from the start Alex made her mark and was going to do things her own way.  Coming 6 days early was an awesome surprise, and the short 6 hour labor was even better.  She would have come out sooner, but I spent 2 hours trying to push her out my hip :) as soon as I turned on my side, 3 pushes later and this screaming, wailing, adorable thing with a full head of dark hair joined our family.  She spend the first hour of her life screaming.  Not just crying, but full on, what are you guys doing to me screaming.  I remember calling our parents and she had a great set of lungs!

I think I've learned a few huge lessons this year as a first time mom.  First, it's ok to ask for help.  I'm so used to being good at what I do, to struggle at anything is beyond frustrating.  I've learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of character admitting you don't have all the answers.  Second, there is no "right" way to do things when it comes to kids, and I wish I had a manual.  There will be challenges and most of the time winging it has to work, and what works one time, may not work the next. Third and most important is that you will never love anything or anybody like you do your child.  There is a fierce protectiveness in me that I didn't know was there, and you would do anything for that child.  You don't want her to ever be sad, sick or hurt, and seeing those things in your child breaks your heart.

Alex's personality has blossomed and now she is only what I can describe and a small version of her father and me.  She is independent, a lover of food, impatient, adventurous, and LOVES to dance, all like her mama.  She is also goofy, happy, an observer, a thinker and can have a temper, pretty much like her papa.  She is the best of us (smart and thoughtful) and also has the qualities that may not be the most attractive (extremely stubborn & impatient) but she is inevitable her parents.  I think my favorite part of her, is that she's overall a happy, funny child.  She loves men (oh boy) and will wave to anyone in the store.  She blows kisses, moo's on cue, and signs "more" pretty much constantly :).

Now that she's walking and talking, I find myself missing that little bundle that used to cuddle and coo, but I am enjoying this phase of life even if it is challenging.  I feel like every stage she enters, Mark and I are running after her to catch up.  If the next year is anything like this one, there will be challenges, tears, love and happiness and I would not change it for the world.  I am blessed with the most precious gift ever and I am so proud to be her mommy.