Mommy & Me

The first thing people seemed to tell me when I told them I was staying home with Alex was, "Make sure you join a mommy & me group."  Ok, seemed simple enough.  After I had Alex I looked into parenting groups.  Some of them were too intense for me, requiring consistent attendance or you're kicked out.  I looked around and didn't seem to find much.  There was a mommy and me group through Skemp that I thought I'd try.

Alex and her 1st friend Rambo

When I first went Alex was 6 weeks old.  I am not what people would call shy.  However, like most people in a new situation I tend to be quieter than I normally am.  I think I'm a pretty friendly, outgoing person, so I figured this would be fun.  Nope.  I went in, and found a clump of moms surrounding their kids, almost like a mom wall.  Should I breach this wall?  I'd seem pretty rude just budging myself into their tight little circle, but no one else was there yet, so I sat by them and said Hi, I'm Robyn and this is Alexis.  I got a couple of hi's, and then nothing.  Hmmm, ok.  Let's try again.  I asked if they had been coming to the group long?  I got a yup.  Nice.  I sat there listening to Mom A talk about her kid picking out her clothes and how she couldn't get her out of her Christmas pajamas, and Mom B talk about the latest tantrum phase her kid was going through was to flush things down the toilet.  I sat there thinking, I may not have stories to share now, but I'm sure I'll have these type of war stories in a while and I can appreciate them if you'd include me.

As more people came, they segregated into little groups.  Even the newer people who I think hadn't been there before kind of kept to themselves.  Wedging myself in was harder than quantum physics.  You'd think I was smelly or something, which I wasn't because I actually made an effort to take a shower before I went.  Seriously, you know when you have a baby, there are times you don't remember if you brushed your teeth, and have the same shirt on as yesterday.  I made an effort to look like a human being. I went one more time, with it being less successful than the previous time and decided it wasn't for me.

Alex & her cousin Zoey

Alex with Auntie Heather, Cousins Kyra and Fynn

Fast forward to today.  I am not currently part of any group and don't know if I want to be.  I do however want to find friends for my kid, and adult time for me.  I'm in this strange position of most of the people I know either don't have kids and don't plan on it in the immediate future, have kids that are much older than Alex, or live far away.  During medical school we made great friends, but then everyone separates all over the country for residency so poof, most of your friends are at a minimum 200 miles away.  Then comes residency where you meet more fantastic people that you connect with and then once again, poof, everyone graduates and moves away to their new practices.  Every time we move we meet great people only with the down side is people move away.  Yes, we still keep in contact with the people we are closest too, but they don't have kids yet :(

Alex & her "Aunt Kristy" who lives in Milwaukee

I wish our friends all lived close and had kids so they could all grow up together but we're not that lucky.  Alex's cousins are also not far, both around 2 hours away, but not close to get together on a regular basis. Alex though does have a couple of friends and I'm lucky enough to know a couple of people with kids Alex's age.  The problem is finding time since most of the people we know are Mark's collegues, who are residents, and therefore really busy.  I don't know any other stay at home moms with kids her age that live by us, all the women I know have outside jobs.  Needless to say, this is a bit frustrating.  Who knew that this play date thing would be so exclusive.  I feel like I need a special membership to be let in.  A big part of me says, it's their loss, I'm a good person and I think a good friend.  Another part says, why is it SO hard to get these women to simply talk to me?  You'd think being a mom you'd want to be inclusive and help each other out.  Maybe it's this weird competition that happens between women, but sometimes it feels like high school all over again.  You can't be my friend, you're not cool enough!

Alex & her friend Elly, who we don't get to see a lot of

I know things will get easier when Alexis gets a little older.  Right now it's so difficult to do things around her schedule, especially because she takes 3 naps a day, and believe me, missing those naps is not a good idea.  If we do, we have a fussy, cranky, whiny baby to deal with.  She only lasts about a hour and half of awake time before the hamster falls off the wheel, and most of that time involves eating & making dirty diapers.  Right now, being at home is a bit lonely.  Luckily I have Lacey and her in-home daycare to bother for right now.  Alex gets a little overwhelmed with 4 little people who like to cry and put toys in her face, but I think she'll like them when she gets older.  Especially since Lacey's son Ian is one of her many future suitors :).

Alex & Ruby

Until then, Alex and I will hang out and learn this thing together.  Hopefully when she gets older and is more mobile we can do more things and meet more people.  Then it's a whole new set of issues to deal with!