Alexis Ellin, how are you 1 already?

I have about a billion different emotions about Alex turning one.  The most prominent one being Sadness.  I'm sad because she's no longer a baby.  She walking, talking, signing, and becoming her own little person.  I miss the baby smell, the falling asleep in your arms, and the overall cuddliness.  It makes me sad that she'll never that baby again, but I'm also blessed with such an amazing little girl.

She's very serious sometimes ;)

I guess from the start Alex made her mark and was going to do things her own way.  Coming 6 days early was an awesome surprise, and the short 6 hour labor was even better.  She would have come out sooner, but I spent 2 hours trying to push her out my hip :) as soon as I turned on my side, 3 pushes later and this screaming, wailing, adorable thing with a full head of dark hair joined our family.  She spend the first hour of her life screaming.  Not just crying, but full on, what are you guys doing to me screaming.  I remember calling our parents and she had a great set of lungs!

I think I've learned a few huge lessons this year as a first time mom.  First, it's ok to ask for help.  I'm so used to being good at what I do, to struggle at anything is beyond frustrating.  I've learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of character admitting you don't have all the answers.  Second, there is no "right" way to do things when it comes to kids, and I wish I had a manual.  There will be challenges and most of the time winging it has to work, and what works one time, may not work the next. Third and most important is that you will never love anything or anybody like you do your child.  There is a fierce protectiveness in me that I didn't know was there, and you would do anything for that child.  You don't want her to ever be sad, sick or hurt, and seeing those things in your child breaks your heart.

Alex's personality has blossomed and now she is only what I can describe and a small version of her father and me.  She is independent, a lover of food, impatient, adventurous, and LOVES to dance, all like her mama.  She is also goofy, happy, an observer, a thinker and can have a temper, pretty much like her papa.  She is the best of us (smart and thoughtful) and also has the qualities that may not be the most attractive (extremely stubborn & impatient) but she is inevitable her parents.  I think my favorite part of her, is that she's overall a happy, funny child.  She loves men (oh boy) and will wave to anyone in the store.  She blows kisses, moo's on cue, and signs "more" pretty much constantly :).

Now that she's walking and talking, I find myself missing that little bundle that used to cuddle and coo, but I am enjoying this phase of life even if it is challenging.  I feel like every stage she enters, Mark and I are running after her to catch up.  If the next year is anything like this one, there will be challenges, tears, love and happiness and I would not change it for the world.  I am blessed with the most precious gift ever and I am so proud to be her mommy.

Tis the season to be.....sick

After my dismal showing of blogs in November, I told myself to be more vigilant in December.  Well, whoops, not going great so far.  We're over 1/3  of the way through December and here's post number 1, but I swear I have a good excuse, and her name is Alex :)

How do you not want to smooch that face?

I will fully admit that last week was one of the scariest things to go through as a first time mom.  Alex, struggling to breath, seeing her striated breathing kind of freaked me out.  She was having a hard time and it breaks your heart to see your kid in any pain, but there's a strange kind of internal panic that happens when you can see they aren't breathing easily.  I mean there are a lot of things you can fix, but breathing?  We took her in to the ER, hooked her up to a monitor, and instead of us waiting in a side room, they took us right back to one of the emergency rooms, which told me it was a good thing we brought her in.  Her pulse ox was low and when they listened to her lungs she wasn't moving much air (which at that point I was like duh, and DO SOMETHING).

It's funny how everyone says, "Well it's a good thing your husband is a doctor."  I do agree, but there's nothing he can do at home for her.  We had to take her to the ER where she got very good care (from a doctor that my husband liked and knew, and whom he trusted, which makes it easier).  She got a shot of steroids, in which I fully admit, I stepped out of the room and let Mark and a nurse hold her down :(.  Then two nebulizer treatments, a chest x-ray, and lots of waiting.  It was a long night, but obviously I felt much better after taking her in.  The weird thing about being a doctor's wife, is I tend to feel self conscious because I don't want to be that lady who takes her kid into the ER for a cold, and have everyone give Mark a hard time at work.  I know it's silly, but that's me.

My happy happy baby

In any case, bringing home the nebulizer, the steroids, and meds for Alex made me feel better and obviously made her feel better too.  After a couple of days she started to look and sound better, but I'm still a bit paranoid.  I know kids that get Croup can be more susceptible once they get it, but at least I know what to look for.  She's now on antibiotics for the chest, nose, gunk that just won't go away.  She is not loving all the meds, so hopefully soon we'll be done with all of it.  Then we just have to deal with her teething, which I've fully discussed in other posts, the fact that it is the bane of my existence!!  I'm hoping to get her clear of this before her 1st birthday, Christmas and all of the holiday fun yet to come.  Sick babies are the worst, all you want to do is take the pain away, but I'm sure there will be lots more to come.

Daylight savings

Wow, I have been sucking at blogging lately.  I started blogging to have a good outlet being a Stay at Home Mom, but am I still technically a SAHM if I work part time?  Who knows.  In any case, I feel like I've been so busy and always running around and don't have time to sit and lay down my thoughts.  Wait, that's not true.  I have had time, but that time is usually spent what little time I have with my husband at night, or honestly, me being so tired that I just veg or read.  Which let's face it, makes a really boring blog.  Put the baby to bed, and hey, read for a bit, watched some TV and passed out.  Oh the life I live :)

She loves her Noah's Ark!

One thing is for sure.  Daylight savings week SUUUUUCKED!  I used to love turning back the clock.  More light in the morning, an extra hour of sleep, who wouldn't like that?  This year it became, holy crap, my seriously regimented and scheduled baby is now off her schedule.  Let the games begin.  Obviously babies are not made for daylight savings.  After all, trying to explaining to a 10 month old she should be sleeping an hour later is like speaking Chinese to your dog and expecting a response.  Nope!  And to add icing to this already awesome cake, she was either going through a growth spurt or teething because I had one cranky super dramatic baby for almost the ENTIRE week.  Not a day or two, but 6, 6 loooong days and nights.

Another fun pastime is pulling DVDs off the shelf, fun stuff

It started with Alex, every morning, getting up between 3:30 - 5:00 am and screaming from 45 min to an hour depending on how she was feeling.  Compounded by non-napping or really short mini naps led to an exhausted and stressed out mama and baby.  Going from a wonderfully happy, independent child, to a screaming, needy, non-sleeping baby led to such a long week.  I joked with Mark at one point that I thought our child may have in fact been possessed.  There is no proof to either corroborate or deny that claim :).  Add to that fact that I gave my team the week off to rest before we start our competition season, so there was no outlet for my frustrations or stress.  Honestly, I never realized how much coaching is a great outlet as I get to yell and order teenage girls around and release some pent up aggression.  I do really enjoy my job most days.

My Happy girl is back :)

Needless to say I was looking forward to a new week.  Last week, Alex slept until 6:30, and was my usual happy, independent child.  I hugged her so hard because I had missed that baby.  She ended up drooling on me, giggling, then pushing me away to go stalk the puppy.  I know how lucky am I to have such a good baby that is usually an awesome sleeper.  But I appreciate it even more after daylight savings.  One thing is for certain, it made it clear to me that I am NOT ready for another baby and sleepless nights quite yet.  I am really enjoying sleeping through the night :).

Halloween fun - waaay late :P

Alex was a trooper for her first Halloween.  We decided since she's only 10 months old, that taking her trick or treating would involve me lugging around a very squirmy baby that has no interest in candy...yet.  The kid hasn't had so much as a cookie yet, and I'm ok with that.  We had a few people ask us if they could give her candy.  I politely said no, as she only has 2 teeth fully in and is still a baby, well kind of.

When picking out her costume, of course Mark and I went back and forth.  It was quite funny, but we both knew in the end she's end up being some cute bug or furry animal.  Mark wanted her to be a ninja :).  When she's older that will probably be cute.  I didn't want the fully body costume for her, since she'd most likely try to take it off the entire time, and I also didn't want to spend a lot of money since let's face it, I thought she was only going to wear it for 5 min.  Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Once Upon a Child.  I have no idea why I don't shop there more.  Seriously.  We got her costume for $6.  It was warm enough to be outside, but no so constricting that she could still crawl around and be happy.

Happy little lady bug

 I was actually super surpised but she sat outside with me and a hour and a half handing out candy.  Impressive!  She was fascinated by people's costumes and when she wasn't trying to eat candy wrappers she was waving buh-bye (something she's just starting to do) and helping me hand out candy.  I had so much fun handing out candy with her, and between kids, she crawled on the lawn or played with leaves, oh leaves.

I love this picture so much :)

Next year will be interesting when she's older and walking and talking, I'm not sure how much trick or treating you do with an almost 2 year old.  Probably as much as she can handle :).  At least we can go to a few houses and she can help me pass out more candy.  She's now a seasoned pro!

Fall is here

I LOVE fall,  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  It's my favorite time of year because of the smells, activities, and of course food.  I'm excited experiencing Alex's first fall with her.
 
Going Apple picking and picking out pumpkins is a part of fall that I love.  It's weird to think last year when we did these things I was 7-8 months preggo and now I have a sassy, happy, tornado of a 9 month old.  It's fun experiencing these things with Alex even if she is a little too young to do these activities.  They're mainly for mama and papa with Alex along for the ride, but it's all about making memories :).

What I've learned about my child is that leaves are NOT her friend.  People get on my case and say, let her get dirty, it's good for her, who cares, etc.  I honestly don't have a problem letting Alex get dirty.  Ok, I do a little, but I still let her because I know it's good for to get dirty.  My issue isn't with her playing with leaves and getting dirty, my problem is that every time she eats leaves, she gets pieces stuck in her throat and mouth and ALWAYS throws up.  It never fails.  Hopefully when she's a little older she can play in the leaves and not try to swallow them and projectile vomit everywhere, that would be nice.

Another funny thing about our child is she is her mom when it comes to her internal temperature.  I have no idea why, but I've always run warm.  I rarely get cold hands, I'm usually in a t-shirt when everyone else has a sweater on, I will NOT wear socks until absolutely necessary, and I sleep with the window open in the winter. I'm probably part Eskimo.  Alex seems to be the same way.  We keep out house warmer for her, but when she has multiple layers on she sweats.  At night she only needs light cotton pajamas and cotton sleep sack.  If I try putting her in fleece or something warmer, I get a sweaty baby with flushed cheeks.  It's actually really nice not bundling her up at the slightest breeze.  We'll see how she does in the winter.

Basically I am loving everything about fall.  We're busy and it seems always on the move, but I'm enjoying every new experience with Alex, with the exception of teething.  I REALLY dislike teething and everything that comes with it.  But I digress.  Now it's time to find her Halloween costume, but that's an ongoing debate between her father and I.  We'll see who wins out, I have a feeling I know the outcome :)

Technology Overload?

I wonder sometimes if we are so obsessed with technology that it's taking the "human" part of interaction away, and I wonder how it's going to be for Alex when she gets older.  I realize the irony of this statement as I'm blogging online and posting it on Facebook, believe me, it doesn't escape me.  The differences from my childhood to now in terms of what's available is insane, and I think 20 years from now will it be even more advanced?

Oooh a big TV!

Growing up we didn't have cell phones, blackberrys, iPhones, iPads, iPods, Playstations, Wii, and the list goes on and on.  The most technology we had as kids was our old school Nintendo.  Most of the time however was spend either in extra curricular activites/sports, or playing outside.  We didn't need texts or GPS or anything, my mom had to stick her head out the door and call us in.  Granted we lived in a culs-de-sac, so we were never far.  In the summer we'd be out until 11-12 at night playing kick the can, or capture the flag with the neighborhood kids.  It was a simpler life before Twitter, Smart Phones, and yes even Facebook.

The bottom of the chair is fascinating

It's just such a different culture.  At practice I have a cell phone box.  Yes, I make all the girls put their phone/blackberrys/whatever in the box and they're not allowed to text, tweet, facebook or use them at all during dance.  If there is an emergency, my phone is the only one on.  The best way for me to communicate with my girls is Facebook, so I have a separate page for the dance team.  The nice thing is only dance team members and parents are allowed to view it, but the fact that I have a page dedicated to the team to communicate, that in itself is telling.

Sticks are fun too!

Are we destined to lose that human connection?  When Alex is a teenager will she have the ability to communicate well with people in person?  Or will it be an endless stream of posts, tweets and texts?  Although technology is wonderful and I for one am happy for most of the things it grants me, where do we draw the line as parents?  What we know now, will most likely change in the next 10-15 years as she becomes a teenager and a young adult.

Trying to play with Rambo, like usual

It's hard to educate yourself about everything out there especially now with the internet.  You don't just need to have the birds and bees talk with your kids, now you need to include sexting and cyber bulling and a myriad of other things we didn't have to deal with.  I know we had video games when we were younger, but how violent can you get playing Mario Brothers and Bubble Bobble?  I personally think it's finding that right balance of education, communication, and allowing technology.  I don't want our kid to be that weird child that has never heard of an iPod and teased for being ignorant, but that's a road we'll cross in a few years.  I know it won't happen for a while, but it just got me thinking.

Mean Girls

This is kind of a letter to Alex when she's grown and in high school or middle school, maybe these words will come in handy and maybe not.

Don't you wish that sometimes they can stay this way forever :)

Alex, when you grow up I want you to do your best not to be a mean girl.  Being exclusive and thinking you are better than people will not get you far in life.  People may fear you, but they will not respect you nor love you.  If you happened to be blessed with beauty and brains you should use them wisely.  If not, you will work hard to achieve what you need to with the help of your family and friends.  You are perfect to your father and I, but that doesn't mean you don't need to work and can get by on what is on the outside.

Alex with her Aunt Heather and Cousins, playing some tunes

Girls can be mean.  I mean really really mean.  Yes, boys can be too, but in a much different way.  Girls have a way to manipulate and hurt with a look, a word, or just by their presence.  I don't know how or why, but girls are able to be cruel to each other in a way I don't think boys have or are even aware of.  Looks will only get you so far in this world and those that flaunt theirs will quickly learn that beyond the scope of high school, the type of person you are means so much more.  I would rather you have 2 good friends and be a good person, than have 20 and have no clue what kind of person you are.  As cliche as it sounds, good friends will like you for you, and you don't need to change who you are to fit in.  Same with boys.  Those who have any sense will love you for who you are, and never change yourself to fit with a boy, you should fit like two pieces of a puzzle, you can't force it.

Her future husband should watch out for this look!

Your battle will not be fought with fists or physical strength.  Yours will be a mental challenge and one of character.  I hope your father and I raise you with the good values and compassion that your grandparents taught us.  I hope we instill in you the ability to support the weak and undervalued and give you the sense of morality.  There are times when all of us fail and mistakes are made.  That is fine and we will love you all the same.  I just hope that there is kindness if you, and so much can be achieved with a smile and kind word.  I don't want you to be naive and think everyone will think the same.  There are those who will take advantage of that kindness but those are the cases you will need to learn for yourself.  Even as adults we suffer from these problems, and they don't go away, you just learn how to handle it better.

Alex's first friend, Rambo

 You don't have to like everybody and chances are there will be a few that you don't.  We will try to teach you how to rise above it, although there are times when we struggle with this too.  I hope that we don't give you a sense of entitlement and you earn what you are given, work for what you want, and lend a helping hand along the way.  If I ever find out you are cruel or go out of your way to make life difficult for someone else, I will bring down the hammer in the worst way!  I love you and I know a lot of who you are will be set in a foundation by your papa and I.  I hope we don't fail you, and you learn that just being nice will get you far.  Love, your Mama.

Such a happy precious girl!