Dance Dance Dance

These past two weeks have been filled with fun, stress, tears, and happiness.  It has been an emotional mini roller coaster over something that in the spectrum of life may not be a "big deal", but it has been to me at the present moment.  Leaving Alex has been very difficult for me especially on such short notice.  I had about 24 hours to figure out something right away, and then about 4 days to find something semi-permanent for at least the summer.  I kind of panicked.  I like planning, lists, researching options.  I am not a great fly by the seat of your pants type person when it comes to my child.  Am I overprotective, yes.  Am I a little high strung, definitely!  But do I just want what is best for Alexis, of course.  It doesn't help that I've had her all to myself for 7 1/2 months, and her me.

Such a big girl - 8 months already!

Things have obviously worked out and we have a good situation for us.  We are lucky to know people who love kids and are willing to watch Alex at our house, and for now that's perfect, especially since practice is usually only 2 hours or so, plus travel times I'm usually only gone 2 1/2 to 3 hours.  The transition to being a coach has actually been the easy part for me.  It's like an old pair of shoes you slip on.  It takes a second to reaquaint yourself and then it's not a problem.

This is a look I get quite often

Although the last 2 weeks have been exhausting, it has also been very rewarding.  When school starts we'll have more of a schedule.  Summer is nuts with two-a-day practices, and getting ready for the first game.  After getting over the initial guilt of leaving Alex, I found that it has re-energized me in such a positive way.  I'm only gone for a little bit and I get the rest of the day with her.  It gets me out of the house, talking to adults (well at least bigger people) and doing things I love, teaching and dancing.  Then I get to come home and devote the rest of my time and attention to Alex.  I'm a happier mama, and she gets a better me in the long run.

Me and Alex

There are obviously days that are tougher than others, especially now with her teething and being sick.  I hate leaving her, but I know she's in good hands, so I don't worry too much.  I also have some rough days at practice, but those are made so much better by coming home and being able to snuggle with my baby.  I think once a balance is found, this will be a great decision for me and my family.  It makes things a bit more challenging at times, and we're finding out ways to work out the kinks, but we will make it work.  I have a wonderfully supportive husband who will do what he needs to make this work for all of us.  I am also blessed to have a squad of 18 very energetic teenagers, who are giving me a different perspective and keeping me young. 

The Onalaska Dance Team at our first football game

Although my time has been stretched since I jumped into this pretty much blindfolded with an arm tied behind my back, once I get settled, it will all calm down and we'll find a rhythm both at home and with the team.  For now we're making it work, and I'm tired, but happy.  Balance is key, so it's a good thing I'm a dancer :)

All Good things must come to an end

Life has been wonderful these past 8 weeks.  When Mark graduated and decided to take 8 weeks off, I was excited but a little hesitant.  I was sure he'd get bored really quickly and then would be annoying.  I was nervous that I would get sick of him and want to kick him out the door to work :).  Alas, none of that happened and the last 2 months have truly been so much fun.

Alex & her papa, yes I hate that bib, but it was during a game at least

Besides our trip to Aruba, which was fantastic, we've just gotten to enjoy lots of family time, and I've gotten a parenting partner which has been AWESOME!  We took turns getting up with her in the morning, since she is her father and an early riser.  This co-parenting thing was a dream.  I could do dishes, laundry, take a shower, all while Alex and her papa played.  He could do his thing too and I feel like it was a equal share of duties.  It's amazing how much easier parenting is when there is two of you.  The extra set of hands, eyes, and just knowing you have help is so reassuring.

SO big, standing all by herself

But Alas, reality is about to come crashing down on my little dream world.  Mark starts his new job tomorrow, and so I do, which is kind of funny.  Thankfully, mine is only part time, but it's still time away from Alex every day which makes me a little sad.  Now it's early mornings with the baby and stay at home(ish) mom mode kicks in again.  The blissful existence of the past few weeks will be a distant memory, and sadly one that will probably never happen again.  I doubt there will every be another time where we both have 8 weeks off and can just do whatever we want.

Darn Childproofing, I can totally get this open (tried for a good 10 min)

Ugh, no I can't :)

I am so thankful for this time that we got to enjoy being a family without work, or anything else to get in our way.  Just enjoying each others company, and Alex getting to spend a lot of time with her dad which she normally wouldn't have gotten.  I'm sure it'll be a new adjustment period for her not only losing a lot of time with her papa, but now some time with me as well.  Transitioning to having other people look after her.  Once we get into a groove I think it'll all work out, but I think this initial period may have a few speed bumps which we'll have to muddle through.  All of this time together has been a blessing, but on to reality and life :)

Control Freak

Ok.  I admit it, I am a totally control freak.  I like being in control and when I'm not it puts me in a bad mood.  Like majorly sour, what's up her ($%* type mood.  I think that's why I'm struggling so much with this childcare thing.

In my head I had it all figured out.  I'd stay at home with Alex, teach her things that I want her to learn, raise her until it's time for her to go off to school, then get a mommy job (i.e. a job during school hours).  Then this AMAZING opportunity falls into my lap, almost literally.  I run into a family friend and a Mediterranean Festival held in La Crosse.  She tells me that Onalaska just lost their coach and I should apply.  Side note, her daughter knows Mark and I and knows I used to dance and have coached before.  The job isn't being posted yet as they are keeping it within the district for now, but I should throw my name in, so I do.

I love this picture by Sarah Schultz, such a nice family pic

Two weeks later, I go in for the interview Tuesday 8:00 am.  They say they're doing interviews all morning and they hope to pick someone by the end of the week.  4 hours later, and I get a message.  "Robyn, we loved you, we want you to be our new Dance coach, and we want you to start tomorrow."  Gulp.  HOLY COW!  What?  Cue me jumping up and down, air punches galore and supreme shock on my face.  I seriously did not think I'd get this job.  This is an established program with GREAT dancers, a ridiculously supportive community who loves the arts, in a city Mark just got a job in, and the ONLY job I would have ever considered taking, seriously, there would have been nothing else I would have given up time with Alex for.

My precious baby

Fast forward 24 hours.  Panic and sheer guilt set in.  I have to find someone to watch Alex during practices, which means finding someone 3 hours a day, plus the additional burden of having babysitters on call.  With Mark doing OB, and me having to do games and competitions, we suddenly need a pluthera of potential babysitters to help last min.  I have no time, and need to trust someone to watch my baby.  I haven't had time to research, to do interviews, ask questions, and the meltdown begins.  I don't have control of this situation yet and that makes me panic a little.  Mom calls to offer advice, and I break down.  Like mom's do, she tells me she's proud of me, here are some options, and it'll all work out :).

Now, at least for the next couple of weeks we have it figured out.  Between a family friend, and a friend of mine whom I trust dearly, we have Alex figured out at least until school starts.  From there, hopefully we'll find a good option, but at least I have a couple of weeks to get things set.  It's so so so so hard to give up time with Alex and trust her care to someone else, and to give up that control.  However, I think this will be so good for all of us.  It gets me out of a the house a few hours doing something I love, and I still get to be with my baby most of every day.  I just need to find a good balance, but I think we can make it happen.

The Crying Game

It's amazing when you become a parent how different the sound of a crying baby is, or a screaming toddler for that matter.  I will admit that I used that be that person that looked at the parent of a screaming child thinking, "Really?  You're just going to let that continue?"  It was probably one of the most annoying sounds in the world.  I would pray that I wouldn't get sat next to the crying baby on the plane, or avoid the 4 year old throwing cheerios at the grocery store.  Wow how things change.

Fast forward to August 2011 and I have a whole new perspective and not to mention appreciation for those events.  On our trip to Aruba, there was a baby on the plane crying before we took off.  All I could think is, "aww, poor baby, and poor mom."  She was trying so hard to shush the baby in the crowded and stuffy plane in which we were stuck on the tarmac for almost an hour and a half before we could take off.  The adults were getting restless and cranky, that poor baby had NO chance!  I suddenly had this deep sympathy for her wanting to help her out and tell her that I felt her pain.

Especially since my parents will soon be out in San Diego, Alex will need to become a good little flier to go out to CA to visit grandma and grandpa. My hope is that she'll get used to it, and I will hopefully not be that frazzled parent whose child won't calm down.  If that happens, I pray that there are other understanding parents on the plane with us :)

I will admit when I see a temper tantrum at the store, I kind of giggle to myself, only because I see my future in that little girl holding her skirt above her head while her mom continually tries to get her to pull it down and stop screaming since she won't let her get that candy bar.  Those kind of situations I understand and I'm sure I'll have my fair share of them.  I hope that when that time comes I'll handle it as calmly as I can, while being dignified (and mortified) while my child goes nuts.  Right now all I have to worry about it people telling me how cute Alex is and asking how old she is.  I'm lucky to have a very well mannered baby in public thus far.  Hopefully that trend will continue :)